Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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