What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
