she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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