hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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