i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
