We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
