Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
