So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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