I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
