i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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