So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
