Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
