So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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