Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize