Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
