There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
