she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
