Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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