She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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