M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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