I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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