Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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