If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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