saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
