Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
