Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
