Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
