she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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