Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
