Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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