dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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