Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize