Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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