I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
