WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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