not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
