so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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