had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Someone came in the potted fern
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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