I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
