Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize