What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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