either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
