I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
