It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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