About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
