ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
