You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
