after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
