I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
