I must be too annoying 4 u.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
