I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
