I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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