Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
