Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
