am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
