I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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