He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
