I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
