no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
