oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
