He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
