I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
