My friends, they love my intelligence
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
