3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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