new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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