She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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