peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you inspire me to be a worse person
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
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