I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
