There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
