His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
