Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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