Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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