I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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