There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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