i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
