Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Michael Bay diarrhea
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i dont even know how to be here
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
