she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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