i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
