I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
