why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
