i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
