just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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