Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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