He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
