just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
