we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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