well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
