I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
