remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize